


Dean Watches Sam Sleep

by AmyPond45



Series: 12 Days of Wincestmas 2017 [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 12 Days of Wincestmas, M/M, POV Dean Winchester, after sam gets his soul back, season 6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 16:00:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13298310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmyPond45/pseuds/AmyPond45
Summary: Dean feels unworthy of Sam. But after everything that’s happened, he’s beyond grateful to have him back, all in one piece.





	Dean Watches Sam Sleep

**Author's Note:**

  * For [soy_em](https://archiveofourown.org/users/soy_em/gifts).



> My final submission for this year’s 12 Days of Wincestmas on tumblr. Hope y’all enjoyed reading these as much as I enjoyed writing them! Have a fabulous New Year!

Dean watches Sam sleep.

He knows Sam wouldn’t mind, would just roll his eyes and grin bashfully. Dean can’t get enough of Sam’s bashful grin. He can’t get enough of the slope of his cheek or the shape of his nose. Dean could watch his brother for hours, now that he’s got him back, soul and all.

In the quiet and the dark Dean tries not to think about the year he spent without Sam. He tries not to think about what a failure he was for not saving Sam. How he couldn’t figure out a way to get him out of the Cage. How he tried and failed over and over and just sank down lower and lower in his grief and despair.

He tries not to consider how many times he thought about ending his own life, just in hopes of finding Sam in Heaven, although Cas had checked and assured him that Sam wasn’t there. Sometimes the only thing that kept him going was knowing how disappointed Sam would be if Dean gave up. Gave in.

He couldn’t let Sam down like that. Not after Sam’s immense bravery, letting Lucifer ride him into the Cage. Sam had made the ultimate sacrifice, then suffered in Hell for longer than Dean could imagine. Sam’s time in the Cage wasn’t like Dean’s years in Hell. Hell had wanted Dean right where he was, had counted on him to break the First Seal. Dean’s weakness had put the world in mortal danger, and it was Sam’s strength and courage that finally saved it.

Having Sam back seems like a miracle. It’s more than Dean deserves.

Dean reaches out and brushes Sam’s hair back from his face, tucks it behind his ear. Sam’s lips turn up in a smile. His eyelids flutter. Looking at him makes Dean’s chest ache with love, makes him feel all over again the grief of losing Sam.

He’ll never stop atoning for that loss. Dean could live a million years and save a thousand people and never make up for Sam’s suffering.

Dean sucks in a shaky breath, realizes his cheeks are wet with tears.

“Hey.” Sam’s eyes slide open and his cheeks dimple as he smiles softly. He reaches out one long arm and makes room for Dean on the bed beside him. “Come here.”

Dean doesn’t have to be asked twice. He scoots into the bed next to Sam, turning his body toward him so they’re lying side by side, facing each other. Sam brushes the backs of his fingers over Dean’s damp cheek, catches a single tear with his thumb.

“It’s okay,” Sam says, voice soft with sleep.

Dean nods, leans in and kisses Sam, careful and tender, too overcome with emotion to speak. He thinks about how Sam never slept when he was soulless, how Dean would wake up in the night to find Sam watching him, studying him. Sam seemed to be trying to remember how it felt, all those times when they lay together like this, pondering the miracle of their love for each other.

Even soulless, Sam seemed to understand that what they had together was special. Rare and precious and worth dying for. Worth burning the world for. Worth letting all the evil in the universe go about its business and destroy everything.

But tonight they had each other, mostly whole and sane and alive despite the odds.

Tonight, that’s enough. Maybe it always will be.


End file.
